I meet a lot of women clients and people I know personally who have been or are going through some form of heartbreak, relationship loss or lost love.
And, being there at some point in my life, it just felt right to write about how I feel about it all.
In a society, where time becomes very important and a lot of people around us cannot see us in pain, the need to get over a heartbreak or loss as quickly as possible is usually very high. It’s like we are under this constant pressure to get over it, somehow evade it and become the strong, sassy woman that everyone expects us to be, independent and managing everything on our own, not complaining and feeling very strong.
And in turn, psychologically, a lot of us put ourselves through that pressure to just get over it quickly and move on. Many a times, letting the wounds cry and suppressed in our hearts, letting the pain of missing someone and feeling broken and vulnerable be subdued and letting the fact that we can be broken sometimes completely hidden.
There is this whole pressure of time. Been so long , you should get over it. Why have you not got over it.
Some of us try entering the other relationships with those subdued wounds, still living a broken reality and broken relationships and somehow just like this, we keep moving on.
Now, I would want to share the flip side of it. And atleast that is how I felt and have seen many I have known feeling.
Irrespective of the way people part, it doesn’t happen that just because one day someone moved on and someone is standing where they were, everything changes. The physical body, the emotional body needs some time. Some energy to process it all. The overall molecules go through a deep change.
The pain needs it’s time to be accepted and healed. It needs an expression .
In a painful state, one is vulnerable and wounded. Any support might feel less to them. The body slows down because of trauma and there is a lot of energy that has to leave for something new to sort of enter.
The pain is double for the person is dealing with loss and the physical reality where certain habits and patterns of co-dependency have been formed. The person is dealing with the mixed worlds of hopelessness and hope.
I personally feel it’s unfair to expect anyone to shut up or not express their pain or expect them to rebound in like a second. Having said that, there is a difference between expression of pain vis a vis victomhood. Know to identify what you can and when you can.
It’s important that the grief that the person goes through is processed and expressed. It is important that the space the person needs to get over things is given.
In most of my sessions, one thing that I have noticed is that before even we close the earlier chapters in our hearts completely, we move on to next one and keep creating similar realities.
I would just ask, what if we stop pretending everything is okay just to make others happy. And just acknowledge that it’s okay to not be okay, to not be able to smile and take our own time to resolve things and then move forward.
What if it’s okay to express how we truly feel and let it out . What if it’s okay to be vulnerable.
And if you are on other side, or a man who left the woman or woman who left the man, or a friend watching the friend in pain, what if it’s okay to give your unconditional listening and little support that can help them in assembling themselves back into a new reality.
Would that change something for someone I wonder.