Being in Corporate for long made me a woman who was constantly looking at being accepted for herself amongst a set of men & women who had a completely economical construct and way of looking at life, business & relationships. A completely logical and comparative structure of life where ones success was dependant on ones betterment wrt others.
As I stepped out of the Corporate, the first thing I saw within me was as the whole concept of “Power Dressing” dissolved, a new free flowing aspect of dressing and looking at life set in. The clothing became free of any notion or concept.
As I explored different aspects of the feminine within me, and went deeper, I realised the beauty and the value that aspect holds for me and others.
I started looking at emotions, feelings, intuition, creativity, flow, instinct, nurturance, acceptance, the cycles that I go through, the depth and intensity, the lightness and the experience that it brings in my life as an inherent part of me. I experienced how nature is affecting me as a whole and what I am and bring into my life.
I started realising the inherent beauty and the way it is present in every other form of creation.
Sitting in office, when everyone was busy looking at numbers and who is doing what, I used to feel guilty for my heart and mind wandering into a completely open space outside those glass walls into the sky, the birds, the flowers and the deep sense of wonder why are we so disconnected from our hearts. Why is it wrong to speak what one truly intends. Why is it important to have multi fold self constructed layers of trying to be someone else who we are not.
Towards the last bit of my corporate career, I used to find it amusing that how can proving oneself to a set of people or just the idea of being stressed or being willing to not in tune with the inner harmony be of such great importance to everyone.
It was not a space of judgement, it was at that point a deep feeling and knowing of “not fitting in”
As months and years progressed, I slowed down in my life and became okay with it. I allowed myself to interact with my environment. Right from the grocery vendor to maid to plants and flowers. I allowed myself to observe life.
To interact with my emotions and dreams. To interact with pain and pleasure. To interact with joy and sadness.
I allowed a lot of it.
I allowed my body to speak to me. I allowed my environment to speak to me. I allowed my hidden desires to come forward. I allowed my weakness to shine through. I allowed my hurt to come through. I learnt to allow love to come through as well.
And in that space, something magically shifted. I experienced the creation and the aspects of feminine within me – the same that I resisted for so long in a completely new way.
There was a sense of acceptance and ease that flew in.
I realised how important it is to live in this now, live completely, open my heart completely and be willing to share it with others.
I realised how active entertainment and joy is more important than passive pleasure of movies and talking about others.
How activity is as important as witnessing.
And then I realised how the feminine needs to balance itself with masculine aspect of bringing forward its gifts in this world.
Of allowing herself the leisure of dressing the way her body desires, of knowing who she is and embrace her capacity to nurture, love, be mad and wild, be balanced, br creative, be expressive fiercely.
How as she embraces the feminine and masculine as balance in a physical world, the balance within her and in the world can shift realities.
This doesnt mean that being in a corporate is wrong or debilitating. It just means how much are we choosing to be in complete tune with ourselves while we are interacting with the walls that only reflect the constructs of economics and achievement. How authentic are we choosing to be in our interactions and relationships both within those walls and outside. How kindness is prevailing inside those walls not from a space of appraisals but from a space of authenticity. And how authenticity is nurturing itself in that environment.
Think about it.