When something we desire remains unfulfilled for a long time or we fail repeatedly at something or something else has simply broken our ability to trust ourselves, we feel anguished or helpless. The pain beneath this anguish often numbs us or stops us from trying anything new. It blocks our understanding of ourselves, the situation or pattern at play. We stop trying, flowing & start abandoning what we love or our own selves. Sometimes, we start giving up on hope, desires and our ability to seek, wish, or simply ask for something new or more in our lives. Or, we give up on our ability to nurture ourselves or create.
The pertinent question, mostly is, “Is there a way out of this limbo and pain?”.
“Is it simply possible to trust again? Is is that simple or easy to trust? How does one merely fill the voids that are now filled with loss, regret, shame, grief or a sense of betrayal or abandonment? How does one just trust again?”
Is Hope the bridge we seek in such times, albeit unknowingly? Maybe, in conversations, movies, books, arts, self talk, social media, those tiny one liners and so on or perhaps somewhere else.
How do we really build these bridges of hope within ourselves? And perhaps, nurture them, strengthen them?
Perhaps, the deepest relationship we build or can build in a lifetime is a relationship with our own very “Core self“. The self that is beneath everything else that seems as our life, the self that is always alive and kicking, and yet, is not often seen or touched directly by our own outer self .
Sometimes, in moments of distress, anguish, a tiny or big part of us gets disconnected with this very “Core self” – the self that is constant in us. Just like the electrical wires tend to get displaced, broken or fall apart in a storm from the tower or transformer, similarly, in moments of distress, or a shock, many layers or parts of us simply disconnect from the transformer within us – our “Core self”. As a result, we feel broken, helpless or simply numb or unable to seek anything new further.
To regain strength, the first and foremost step is to recognise and perhaps, acknowledge, that while the towers or wires or connection points to “Core self (the main transformer)” within us may be displaced, shattered, or rusted, the “Core self” is still alive and kicking. All that is needed is that extra effort to establish the connection point of wire from tower to transformer. While it may seem exhausting, daunting or overwhelming, the first step to build this wire from within is always Hope that reflects in form of a desire or wish or seeking to rebuild that connection to “Core self”. It may not be as direct as seeking this, sometimes, it could just be “How I wish I could experience my true self, or joyous self or creative self again? or “how I wish I could do this or that or learn this or get this? or “how I wish I could smile more and more often?” and so on. The list is endless.
This very wish or seeking expressed, becomes the thought, that becomes the first wire of connection to self. This thought when projected repeatedly from within, or other thoughts or desire, as simple as wanting to be something, experience something or something more about oneself, starts activating the bridges of connection to “core self”.
The expression of desire itself, maybe limited by many layers of pain and anguished memories. Hence, to be able to express one’s own heart, mind, soul to oneself layer by layer or a desire to do so can help in easing out the space within ones consciousness. Expression of these layers can at times create the space needed to see oneself or life or what transpired or the possibility of new from a new lens, angle or perspective. A simple question or desire to oneself, “How can I see beyond my pain? or “how to express what is within me in a safe way? or “how do I know what really happened? or “how do I express what I am truly feeling in a way that is comfortable for me ? or ” how do I trust myself again?” can be a strong beginning point to open the route for expression of self, to self.
These little nudges, thoughts, desires to shed, to learn, to express, to unlearn, to have clarity, to feel supported from within, to feel fresh, to heal, to feel the warmth, to feel lighter, to feel more anchored or centered, to be able to build, or try, to have something, to smile, to live, to feel loved, or be trusted, or trust oneself again, or to feel the wind on ones face – all of them are these tiny beautiful, connection wires we build from the tower to transformer called “Core self” to outer self. These thoughts or expressed desires, give the way to Core self to rebuild the strength within the outer layers again.
When pain or fear emerges, the thought or intention or desire to simply surrender that pain or fear or doubt to “Core self” and to be able to see clearly beneath the pain or to feel solace or warmth from within is also a powerful connection point to “Core self”.
The desire to have clarity or to be able to shed illusion that blocks clarity or to shed the attachments that block clarity of self can also be a good continuing point on the journey to trusting oneself.
This desire seeking, this nudge, this space to connect to oneself, to rebuild the wires to “Core self” within and to be able to awaken oneself and flow with life is an “everyday, every moment seeking”. A little bit of “me time” to simply express can be as therapeutic and cleanser as well as enabler for trust. A little bit of faith and seeking even if it feels grim and dark or chaotic to feel that space within, everyday, moment to moment, is the route to building these towers and their strength from transformer within.
These little desires, should not be ignored. They are the secret passages to secret power within your self.
The power to shift is always within us, albeit unseen or hidden .
Guess, they did not teach us this at the school, hence life does.
I hope you find your way to self in the utmost beautiful way. You are special, indeed.