Sahiba sat wondering, with grief in her eyes, why is it that whatever she is trying, neither the seeds, nor the people she wants, are growing. The seeds of the plant she sows die soon after they are sapling. The people she invests in, fall off after some time. These two seem interrelated to her now. It feels to her, something is amiss, something she is unable to understand fully.
No matter how good the soil, or the seed, from where she gets it, even from the best of fruit or vegetable, it dies after becoming the sapling. Some grow and then wither. Some simply never germinate. It has been happening over seasons.
She is experiencing the same with people, with students who come to learn, with the relationships she develops with each, with the desire to see them grow and taste the fruit of their own skill, and yet, with each, at some point, it falls flat.
She now realises that all of it has developed a deep pain, a grief of sorts within her. She feels it everytime she is about to invest in something or someone. She wants to give, but holds back, or gives only to experience the same setback again. She is sort of stuck, in dilemma, in pain, as to how every seed, every person, is getting stuck in the learning.
She sees each of them dancing, and she sees the possibility in each. She invests in each student, wanting to bring out the best in them, and yet, something withers. They loose interest, or simply stop expanding or learning their own knowing of dance. They wither and settle for something easy or simply more attractive. The sacred dance within them never finds a voice. And this pains Sahiba immensely.
She has become slow with this pain. She feels low and hopeless. Not wanting to dance herself anymore or to sow.
She still sows seeds, wherever she gets, but to reach the same result.
Today, as she sits, in this pain, wondering what is she not getting, dwindling between thoughts of hopelessness, lack and disappointment, she hears a voice from within, like a thought, but a loud one, like the background score of a movie,
” You cannot grow a seed that is not ready to be ripened”.
In her half dazed state, yet awake, she responds to the thought itself,
” What if I put my intention in it to grow and nurture it. Even then, I cannot grow. The desire to see it grow is not sufficient or the work that is put into it ? “
Another loud thought from within, louder than everything around her responds,
” It is the journey of the seed to reach a state of ripeness within to be able to grow and then sustain the growth. It is the journey of what the seed encounters, adapts to, responds to, absorbs and develops within that leads to its journey. Some ripe soon, some never, some partly and some later. Some may not even move at all to ripeness. You cannot make a seed grow that has not ripened enough to grow and sustain growth. “
She responded again, to the same thought, as if the thought was herself, just another part of her,
“What about the nourishment. Does it not have a role? “
The louder thought emerged, blanking out everything around her, ” The seed only receives nourishment as much as it develops itself and ripens itself. You cannot nourish the seed more than it has readied itself to be nourished. Even then, unless the seed develops the capacity to ripen, and sustain it, you cannot do anything with it. The seed has to master its own ability to nourish from within. That in itself is a journey. “
She responded, more determined, ” Then what about the fruit ?”
The thought this time sounded more compassionate, as if smiling from within, and responded, ” The journey from seed to becoming the fruit that can produce its own seeds and see them ripen is also the journey of what develops as the ripened seed and then the ripened tree and fruit eventually. You can only observe the seed and provide as is needed. Your desire to see something grow cannot make it grow unless the seed has developed itself fully. And that is the responsibility of the seed itself. Your only responsibility is to observe and see what is needed and where is needed. And is that something you can offer or provide.
What develops as the consciousness of seed and eventually the tree that may or may not provide fruits, or may not have fruits that can be sown or have , is the journey and responsibility of the seed and what grows from same. “
Sahiba felt stiffened, then with tears rolling down, she felt relieved in a space within her, she had only felt pain for so long.
In those swollen eyes, was a new found hope and realisation, to simply observe and allow every seed its own journey.